Saturday, January 24, 2015
I know it's been awhile since I post something up but I guess I wanted to say something about my life at the moment. And how I currently am feeling lately.
I've been so busy. So overwhelmed by so many things. I've been a part of a new group of friends ever since I switched majors and the stress is there, but I'm happier.
Yet, due to unforeseen circumstances, I fell into depression so many times as life goes on since then.
Just not too long ago, I was at my happiest I've ever been, and yet life as it is, just had to do this to me by ripping it off of me, leaving me confused and hurt, because as much as I'm happy with the way I was at that time, I don't need to go for retail therapy or do anything drastic to make me feel that way. And when the time came where I felt so much pain inside of me, I knew that there's nothing I can do to make it all better.
I can tell you something; life was never meant to be a bed of roses in the beginning.
For years there were times I've tried to find my place in this world, yet with a goal to inspire people to always believe in themselves, realistically, it's pretty impossible with so many doubts and heartaches from the very start.
I know, because I was no stranger to them.
Another heartbreak came to me, and I knew it's going to take another long time to heal. I don't need to elaborate this, as this is more than just a love problem, because it's all about my life just as it is. Just when I'm trying to built my happiness all over again, this happened. And if you know me very well, I've been struggling to find happiness since I was very young. I made so much sacrifices to please others but myself, and I have no idea how to make me happy on my own.
And thus, I'd always find myself about to cry because I knew I couldn't take it anymore.
I could feel my heart getting stabbed by a dagger and feel it pulling out of me, and pushing it back to where it's hit.
And that feeling never goes away.
I would contemplate on skipping college for a week just to find myself or to take a day off with just a taxi and see how I will end up. Because I know I needed to go away. I wanted to let it out. I wanted to move my feet. I wanted to stop feeling so numb when I know that I don't want to trouble others with my petty problems, because they could feel like I'm a burden when I never felt that way to my friends. But because a human mind can be so complex, I chose not too trust too much in case I ever hurt somebody, or ultimately, hurt myself.
Yet, I still attend college. I submitted all my assignments. I'd have a B average and I'm still building up to get an A soon. I know I have a responsibility to fulfill. And I need to keep on living, because again, I'm used to it. I carry a trail of broken hearts wherever I go, and every glimmer of hope gets crushed whenever I found out the truth. I was never delusional. I was just hopeful and optimistic about the next step.
And yet, I was let down. All over again.
But what makes it all better is when I take some time off to breathe, and remember why I'm surrounded by so much positive vibes lately. It's because I have my faith, I have my loved ones, and I still have a glimpse of hope in the future.
I'll never know how much I've influenced people but I know that I still need to be there for people too. It's tough knowing that I've been through bad friendships in the past, and that's why I do not want to see others going through it too, and that's why I want to fill the void in their life by being there for them. And never in a million years, would I find my friends being there for me too.
Yes, my heart has grown harder but at the same time I'm grateful for other things as well. I've grown to be someone I've never thought I'd become, but to have my friends being there for me and a family to come home to, they're the light when I'm in a tunnel of negativity. And all it did was to fuel me to become a better person each day.Another point is that I've really counted my blessings and that I do know how strong I can be, because that's really my only option. And yet, I heal. Once I've mended myself, I'll help others to heal too. I'll encourage them, I'll tell them to believe in themselves. I want to hug each and everyone of you if I could. When someone comes to me with the exact same way of how I'd be there for them, I would be very touched. Because I knew that being kind would always come around somehow.
Thank you to each and everyone of you. Thank you to those who chose to be nice to me. Thanks to those who treated me like I've known them forever and that you still tried to make me feel good about myself.
There's no other words to be said but thank you, and may you all be blessed eternally from my ever grateful heart to yours.
And know that I will never stop being there for each and everyone of you, no matter if we're close or not, or even if we barely knew each other, I would love to give you a hug and be your listener, and encourage you every step of the way.
Thank you for building me into a person I am now. And thank you for making me a person you would come to, good or bad.
All my sacrifices, all my love given away, all the scars I've had in the past and still carrying them now, they're worth it. I'd gladly show them to everyone how much I've been through and know that I've never stopped being hopeful and I've never stopped giving people love they deserve,
Because to love, it's to be vulnerable.
And to give love, it is to let it reign.
Monday, February 24, 2014
Hello! So nothing much, just here to talk to you about my experiences with getting this particular piercing.
Now, I apologize for not actually showing pictures of the procedure as first of all, the store I went to didn't allow me to take photos, let alone actually recording it *boohoo* so I will explain in detail about getting it. While I'm here, I might as well tell you guys about my day with my best friend, Felicity.
She's two years younger than me and do check out her blog too
Feli actually lived in Taiping and she came down to spend some time with me and accompanied me on getting the piercing. First we had lunch at Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. and I loved that place so much. The food and the atmosphere is pretty cool but it's kinda pricy for students so because of that I only come around once in a blue moon. And we caught up here and there. Yay!
I HAD to have her psych me up in case I ever want to back down. Because one, it might hurt (even my mum warned me) and two, it's pricey too. For a piercing it's above average but I'm glad I went for it.
The store I went to was at Asian Avenue in Sunway Pyramid. It's like a special part of the mall where it has a selection of shops. So basically they have more towards tiny shops (unknown, usually for small businesses) and have more quirkier shops, like tattoos and lomo cameras. Of course, I was so happy that they have a specialty shop that specializes in professional piercings. I was nervous as fuck, I'm telling ya. Like everyone who went in for a piercing (or in my case, TWO) so there's no turning back now!
Aaaaaaaaaand a special shoutout to Felicity Tang for actually going through 5 tattoos, 7-8 piercings, and yet still afraid of needles!
k moving on.
So of course, first I have to choose my jewelry, and I'm actually really bummed they don't have it in silver. Only gold. And it's not rose gold either. Pure gold.
And after that I filled in a form for security reasons. And I'm not allowed to have any major piercing there if I'm under 16 (props to that). So I'm lead to a tiny room (almost the size of a dressing room, no kidding) with a chair and of course, my jewelry, cold spray, and of course, the freaking huge needle. But they aren't gonna pierce it like that though. They have clamps, and I felt the clamp having teeth on it. So basically I was seated down and I was freaking out like hell, and they first started off by spraying a little numb spray and I started to talk and talk and talk and talk. I talked and mumbled a lot and even asked questions like "Were there customers that are nervous too?" and of course, the piercer said yes and all. But one thing though;
I wasn't signaled to breathe in and out. I can feel the needle going through my ear. And blood poured through like Niagara falls and I died on the spot and I'm a ghost writer posting this on Adele's behalf.
But now I'll just tell you what I can about how I felt, since I actually got my piercing two weeks ago and I progressed a lot in terms of healing and aftercare.
So first, I felt the clamp on my ear, and it actually hurt, like one side of the clamp has two teeth, I guess? So it's on both sides of my ear on one of my cartilages. And I felt a needle going through. It's not that painful for me, as it's something like an injection going through my arm. But of course, because it's bigger, thus I felt a little more pain. Not forgetting the clamps too.
Okay second hole, I was honestly saying "Ow ow ow" and I actually forgot what I've said because it did sting a little bit and I was asking Feli how was it. And I know she wasn't glancing as much since she's terrified of needles (what the heck, I know) and the same procedure to the other cartilage. This time it hurt a little less though, maybe because it felt the same. It is actually pretty fast though. Less than two minutes I got it done, including inserting the jewelry. BUT the piercer told me to breathe in and out while she's inserting the barbell and I felt nothing. Geez that makes a difference, people. BREATHING HELPS OR ELSE YOU'LL DIE.
And so I'm done!
And here is how it looks like.
Okay, real deal.
DOES IT HURT?
Pain tolerance is actually really depends on people. Because honestly I realized I can tolerate this as many people who have had this piercing said it's very painful. But honestly it felt a little more painful than my lobe piercings because well, I can handle pain. So it's very subjective. If you ask me, I don't mind going through the procedure again as it's painful yes, but it's momentary. And it looks pretty cool so why not?
For me, I'd say it's around 4 or 5 out of the pain factor of 10? I'm pretty hard core I guess hahaha. You can definitely feel the needle and it's like a pinch, not very big yet not very small. It's like getting an injection but for your ears, with a slightly bigger needle. Slightly! But because you will feel it twice at one go, I have to admit it hurts for a moment, but that's it.
Never ever believe what other people say unless you have went through it. I was so scared that I almost backed out but I'm glad I didn't. When my Mum called, I even told her it's not that painful.
Also, I didn't bleed a lot! Which I'm thankful of. With proper piercing and proper hygiene this will never happen, am I glad!
How does it feel AFTER the piercing?
Like all piercings, you will feel pressure, like your ears will get hot as it's basically a wound (but with pretty jewelry) and it will feel very tender. A little touch and you can feel a little pain. Thank God though, with my long hair covering it, I didn't tug or bump my piercing, so basically on the day itself I only felt pain during the piercing! In fact, when you bump, tug, or touch it, it can feel a little more painful than the moment the needle went through your ears. But like I said, it counts on you and your tolerance to pain.
Is the aftercare a pain in the ass?
Well I don't say it but somewhat you have to look after it to prevent any bumps or infections, but it also counts on you! As you could be a fast healer or a slow one. The best thing to do is to soak your ear in some sea salt solution and use tea tree oil, but the best thing is to try which suits you best! For me I couldn't find sea salt so all I do is use warm water on a cotton pad and wash it everyday, and apply a special cream the piercer gave me, which helps in healing!
Just Google and there's tons of solutions in helping your new piercing heal!
Now that it's been two weeks, I can rotate my jewelry safely, I feel less pain, AND I can sleep on it!
WHICH IM SO GLAD OF SINCE I TREASURE SLEEP SO MUCH
This piercing is worth getting, y'all.
I can't wait for getting more piercings! But minor ones of course.
I want a double helix piercing and a tragus, and hopefully a rook piercing and a tattoo!
After two weeks.
I got it at Attic Piercing and Jewelry, which I highly recommend, yes it's slightly pricier than usual but finally there's a reliable piercing center that you can go to! Here's their Facebook
profile and their Instagram
Special thanks to Felicity for being there for me numerous times and for actually taking time to visit me! Looking forward to you coming back here again for your Septum Piercing
And here's a final photo of me and Feli drinking fancy Tea at TWG, Sunway Pyramid.
Photo Creds to Felicity
Any questions, do not hesitate to ask me!
Till next time,
Labels: Body Art
I've started a new blog since I'm about to embark on a new journey. It's going to be a long and complicated one but hopefully, it will be a happier one.
It's a long story. I went into troubles myself and I couldn't cope with a few environments. But it definitely taught me a lot of life lessons. But it did made me more to being in solitude as I actually got traumatized with people, that I can actually hurt them. I might write an entry about that. Maybe.
But now this serves as a new medium to have me expressing on my words better. Better than Twitter and better than Facebook.
Speaking of which, I'm really REALLY frustrated on the fact that I can't link a Follow URL for any of you to follow this blog. Sheesh. (HELP ME PLEASE)
But other than that, I'm back in action... hopefully.
Enjoy your stay!